If you have decided to get divorced there are few important points to consider when children are involved. This has been a decision that has been agreed between the parents and to make sure that your children’s lives can remain as stable as possible the parents need to reassure them by being consistent.
It is good to talk to your child in a way that they understand,they don’t want to hear the problems between you,they just want to understand how their life is changing and the effects it has on them.
Reading story books with children is an excellent way of preparing the child for what changes will take place in a suitable language that they will be able to understand. The local library or your child’s school may have some books on the topic, we also recommend, “At Daddy’s on Saturday” by Linda Walvoord Girard. “It’s not your fault” by Koko Bear and “Two Homes” by Claire Masurel.
Being caught in between parents arguments or talking in a derogatory manner about each other is very hurtful to a child,even if you think you have just cause to do so,this can create difficult,negative behaviour in your child.The heated discussions are better kept for a time that the children are not present.when children feel under pressure or stress they say things that you want to hear rather than how they feel.they may say they want to see the other parent then change their mind and say they don’t want to depending on how they read you either being upset or happy.
Children are not possessions and cannot be used to get back at each other,for example,stopping contact.It is so much better for youngsters to see their parents co operating,even if they don’t live together.Learning to cope with inconsistencies and instability is tough for your off spring so being considerate to their feelings will allow them to get use to the idea of single parents and build a closer relationship between you.
Written by Jules Kerswill of Hands On Parenting.
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- National Family Dispute Resolution Week 25th – 29th November 2013
- Seasons Greetings